an absolute pity that i didn't bring Cammie (my camera in case you haven't known) with me! i've now come to believe that Cammie should come with me whenever i'm on an outing. the gathering felt incomplete without photos to mark the day i felt. ): never mind! next time my lomo baby shall be the one responsible for creating pretty memory keepsakes! :D

this one was taken with my phone's camera (can you see that it's a wine glass?). hehe i suppose it didn't turn out well even after the photo edits but oh well i felt like posting it up anyway! :P

oh and another reason why i went was because i felt i could really use an opportunity to let my hair down.

i think i've been a really good girl for the past week. i've been punctual, listening to lectures most attentively (except maybe study skills because it was like really boring), i've done all the lecture exercises (even the very simple ones like solving quadratic equations), and even read up extra materials like Harvard Business Review (i've become a registered member) plus read up my IBM notes and borrowed Economics to prepare for the next lecture even though we weren't told to do that. but uni is really all about independent learning so it's like you have to take the initiative i guess.

people are telling me how i'm scary, like doing too much, too prepared, and liang was telling me how this 'energy' will burn out very soon. but you know, i've never felt so driven before. i don't know how long this 'energy' will last but as long as it's still there, i'm just gonna keep going. i didn't really feel it this way during A Levels. probably cos i've sort of given up halfway through, so there really wasn't a goal for me to move towards to. it's like i was this little boat riding aimlessly on a big big sea, with no lighthouse to shine for me and to guide me towards my destination.

but now it's different. i have a goal. i don't think i've ever seen it being there before. and i've never felt so eager in my life to reach it. i don't think i've ever viewed studies to be of such high importance before. but for once i have this desire to achieve academically. i know i need to. that if i don't get my DE in Distinction next year i'm going to lose the determination in Year 2 with the consciousness that 'i just can't do it.' so in order to keep me going, i need to pass stage 1 of the game which is to get a Distinction. Merit just isn't good enough.

and i've stopped being conscious of the things that other people say. i've come to realise really understand that they do not matter at all. ultimately it is what i think that really matters. i no longer care if people find me too kiasu or too hardworking or what. it's only right. i no longer have the subconsciousness that 'there are people who think i'm not going to make it' because as long as i believe in myself, that's all it matters. and for now, i really do.

or maybe just cos, simply put, 'once bitten, twice shy'.

i've walked down the wrong path once, and i'm never going to walk down that same path again. i'm trying a new path for now. i am still not sure if it will lead me to where i want to be at but as long as i remind myself not to go astray and focus on the path i'm walking on, i'm going to reach my destination somehow, right? and every single day, i keep reminding myself this,

and i really like this line which i read in Dengeki Daisy before,

i studied with liang at Tom n Toms Cafe after school that day. i really like the cafe. it's pretty conducive and i could really concentrate. well we did talk a bit in the middle of our readings now and then but at least we managed to complete what we had intended to. so i guess we are going to study there on alternate thursdays from now on. (:

i think the first picture is really not bad considered how it was only taken with my phone's camera. (: next time i shall bring my camera along to take better photos of the cafe! (: