so off.

went to ehub to meet up with my clique just now. a dinner gathering.

i dont know why but i just dont feel into it just now. i dont understand why i even went.

as i listen to chat abt their lives and stuff, i feel so jealous.

it's like life for them has been pretty normal.

even the problems they face seem normal for a teenager as well.

and i feel so off the norm again.

and i feel myself trying again. trying to be normal, trying to smile.

but trying is tiring. really tiring. i gave up trying to look normal.

zhilin tried to get me talking.

zl: sus! anything to share?
me: nothing.
zl: huh? quick say leh!
me: really nth! my life's been boring like that.
zl: nth that means it's smooth sailing lah.
me: (that caught me. reverse psychology?) errr.. not really..
zl: then say lah. now's the time to pour out all your worries and problems.
me: har. but i really got nothing to talk about leh.

and she gave up too.

i guess the truth is not that i dont have anything to say. in fact, so many things have been going on in my life that i dont even know where to begin. but i have nothing that wont dampen their spirits. which would probably defeat the whole point of us meeting up.

so i decided to keep quiet.

im scared of being too real. im afraid of being judged.

i realised im a potential introvert.

and i feel upset that i've missed out a lot of events that have happened in their lives.

then again, im always the last one to know so i guess it doesnt matter too.

then zhilin asked, "10 years down the road, do yall think we will still be here eating and talking?"

i didnt answer the qsn but i was thinking to myself, "i dont think so."

i've become a real pessimist.

zhilin bought movie tickets for the 'prince of persia'. wasnt in the mood so i decided not to go but paid her the money anyway. said i have a lot of things i need to do. which is true but not exactly the real reason..

and decided to walk home since it was real cooling after the rain and the colours of the sky had this calming effect on me.

usually i would listen to music whenever im alone. but since i didnt bring my earpiece out i just walked in silence. which was surprisingly nice. at some point i just let my mind relax and just appreciate my surroundings, at some point i try to sort out my thoughts. and manage to cool down.

and i guess you are right,

something is missing, and something is wrong.
i don't know what to expect too.

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