maybe this is it..

suddenly feel like im under a lot of stress.

suddenly feel like strangling someone, anyone, just to vent my anger and frustration. or to be more exact, i suddenly feel like killing myself.

suddenly feel like breaking down. i feel like crying.

camp is over. fun is done. now to work.

shooting is just hell. stupid bitch. training from tuesday to thursday from 2pm - 6pm during the holidays. and whole of friday due to invitational shoot. doesnt she know we have damn exams after the holidays?! who the f does she thinks she is, that irritating troublesome annoying selfish bossy autocratic whore!

always sounded like she's some reasonable leader but at the end of the day she's just a biased person. announcing to the rest of the club members behind my back that i took her range keys when i didnt, and guess what? at the next training, her keys were attached to her silly blue pouch!

hate her hate her hate her!!

i feel like quiting the job. i regretted right from the very start for asking for that damn position during that damn interview. i've failed in many ways, to be fair. i dont deserve the position. i'll bet the whole exco doesnt like me anyway, so why should i stay on?

damn it all.

feeling really tired with guides stuff too. im still passionate and all and determined to help out but time is really not on my side. not to forget im just a clueless-incapable mam who's trying to act like a know-it-all there. and today i've finally made a huge mistake (on top of a lot of other smaller ones). im really worried about the canvas tent right now.

and my academics? it's just going nowhere. i've lost the drive. im scared. im afraid. i feel like im on my own. i feel helpless. im panicking. this whole holiday. im occupied like everyday from tmr onwards to friday. i have NO time to study at all. i dont know what to do. i dont want to let my cousin and aunty down. i dont want to let mr low down. i dont want to let myself down.. i have a dream alr. and im beginning to think that i'll never be able to achieve it..

and my mum is just screaming at me for no reason, even when i didnt say anything.

i wanna cry. i wanna talk to someone but i dont know who to find. after all, no one will understand and more importantly, i brought every shit thing to myself. i deserve this totally.

and as usual, all i want to do is just run away.

我好害怕.

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