hi, im xiuzhen.

wait but i really need to say this first.

've been a really honest girl recently, making public confessions on my blog, even one of my deepest, darkest secrets (too bad if u didnt read on it).

was talking to liangying about it when she asked me, "but what's the point of posting it up?"

she's right, there's no point.

but, there's reasons to what i did.

i've been hiding things about myself and running away from problems for all these years and suddenly i felt sick of it. and real tired. what's the point of hiding? there's nothing to be ashamed of. it's mentally draining having to pretend all the time, that everything's going alright in your life, everything's perfect at home, when everything's not.

i want to be myself, my real self in front of people. and not have to pretend. im xiuzhen for goodness sake, not some professional actress.

i started to realise sometime ago that i have developed a tendency to doubt people first before i trust them but it wasnt like this in the past. i realised it's because i've been lied to before. so overtime i put a barrier around my heart. but i dont want to have to doubt anyone around me because friends should trust each other, right?

and i've learnt a lot recently that it's really important that you open your heart to others. so that they can reach you, and know you better, and become closer.

so that's what i've been doing.

all these confessions and secrets, it doesnt mean that since i've let them out, i no longer think of them as important stuff anymore. no, they are all very precious to me, so precious to me that i want to keep them close to my heart. but bcos only people who are close to me knows this url, i post all these things with the confidence that all of you wont judge me for anything i've said, and anything i've done. well, at least, if you already know the real me well enough, you will know there wouldnt be a need to.

if you do however, decided to judge me, like i've always said, go right ahead. cos you must not really know me then. and that means chances of us being better friends in future wont be very high. saded much. there's no point in being afraid of how you are going to judge me bcos all i need is the few friends who know me and love me for me and would forgive my foolishness, accept my flaws and help me learn from my mistakes and not shun me just cos i've committed one. vice versa.

at the same time, i hope that you can open your heart to me, just like how i opened my heart to you. i'd be real honoured and feel trusted if you'd let me hear you out. anything you feel like saying, i'll listen. friendship needs trust, remember?

that's all.

love and peace,
xiuzhen.

p/s: think i've become real intellectual these days. hahas.

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