hurt.

when you keep hearing the same things over and over again,
especially for years,
it gets into you.
you start to wonder if they may be right.
you start to think from their point of view.
you start to see from their eyes.
you start to put yourself in their shoes so many times that you start thinking that they are right.
and then you get very bothered by it.
you become very very disturbed by it.
you start to wonder what is it that you can do.
you dont know what to do.
and you just keep thinking about it.
and then you start to question why must it be you.
why is it always you?
why not others but you?
what is it about you?
why you?

you begin to feel trapped.
you start to feel small.
it's everyone against you and you feel targeted.
you feel defenceless.
you try to escape but has nowhere to run to.
you feel restricted.
you start to yearn for freedom.
you rebel.
you shut yourself out from the world.
you push everyone out of your life.
you tie chains around your heart so that no one is able to take a look at it anymore.
so that no one is able to open it.
you start keeping everything to yourself because no one will understand.
no one will listen.
or rather, for fear that they may abuse the content.

you begin to put on a facade.
everyday is just a show.
they are the audience,
and you, the entertainer.
you get sick of pretending.
had enough of lies.
tired of acting, faking.
but that's the only way to ensure that everything is alright.
or look fine.
you feel unfair.
because you are the only one on stage.

you start to feel very lonely.
even though there are many people walking around you,
many people surrounding you,
you feel lonely.
and each one feels like a passer-by.
each one feels no more than a stranger.
even the closest ones to you.
your heart feels empty.
you feel like an empty shell.
and then you start to wonder what you have done.
and the more you wonder,
the greater the margin you see in the distinction.

you start to wish that you are a little less different from the rest.
you want the same things as them.
you are willing to give up anything to have the same things as them.
more importantly, you are willing to give up anything to have that kind of life.
a life which you have total control of,
and no one can teach you what to do.
you long to hide in this place.
a place where no one can trap you.
somewhere where you can have access to unlimited freedom.
a secret garden where no one can find you.
a refuge, a sanctuary.
somewhere where you will hear nothing but your own voice,
and nature's voice.
and feel nature's acceptance.
embrace in mother nature's love.
and you feel relieved.
you can finally do the things that you want to do.
you are finally free.
you feel so happy,
you start to dance around.
you rejoice.
only to realise that there is no one else to witness and celebrate your joy with you.

◄ Older posts

Newer posts ►