dunno dunno dunno

i really dunno what's wrong with me these days.

i seem to keep thinking of things that i shouldnt think, things that i shouldnt doubt.

im seek and tired of this uncertainty.

and yet i hate to bring it up.

was talking this particular good friend of mine (not too sure if i can reveal her name since she said everyth is still under wraps) yesterday on msn, and gave her a little advice. i told her not to hesitate, not to doubt and just put in her whole heart.

who am i kidding?

havent i been doubting the whole of this week?

and it's a holiday week for goodness sake.

and the season of joy is around the corner alr but i've been feeling more tears than joy really.

liangying's not around (she's in that stupid bangkok), adding much to my down-ness, bcos i cant turn to her and tell her all these things that im facing now. oh liang! come back soon okay? (i bet she will be damn happy when she reads this post of mine)

she'll better compensate me with lots of prezzies. hahas. no laa. i just want her to be back safely in one whole piece, what with all the dramas going on there, and i heard that the protesters aer coming out again? im really keeping her in my prayers.

and i def cant consult the other one.

so i talked to kathy mam last night, and let's just say her words slapped me on the face.

all this time i was just running away from reality. knew it all along but act like i didnt know. and i really dont know what to do now. or, even if i do, will it be a useless effort?

or worse, am i too late?

i know im sounding very drama mama but right now i really need to vent my frustrations. if u dont like what u are reading now, go away.

im feeling so upset with myself. so upset with her. i dunno. or maybe it's just me.

maybe bcos im a selfish and unreasonable friend.

maybe bcos i've been hurt several times before in my past and present friendships.

i really hate this part of me.

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